Talk about a gloomy day! It is one of those day's when the rain has not stopped and it look's like it is perpetually "almost dark." I confess that I do not like rainy days. I love sunshine, sunshine and MORE sunshine! I love beautiful days, warm breezes and open window's. Day's like today do not jive with me.
However, it is not realistic to expect sunshine everyday. Though it would be cool if it only rained after dark! I could appreciate that. I am reminded that it is also not realistic to think that spiritually I won't experience rain and gloomy day's. Here lately it feel's like it has rained on me a lot spiritually. I would be lying if I told you that every time I embraced it and looked for way's to learn from it. The thing about growth in Christ is that his enemy ( and our enemy) see's our growth and amps up the attack's. He's never sneaky or cunning, he's "same old, same old" and pathetic, attacking the same way every single time. You would think that I would know how to alway's fight back by now, but still there are those day's when he clothesline's me right on my home turf!
The lesson is in realizing where the attack is coming from and WHY! We have a very powerful God and a very real enemy that doesn't like us because we belong to CHRIST. God has been showing me more and more that my bad day's are usually an attack from the enemy. It is also NOT the people in my life but rather the enemy influencing them.
I am beginning to understand this game the enemy is wanting to play. It is a game of deception, for if he can convince me that when I grow in Christ and draw closer to the father that I come under attack then I might take off and run. He will leave me alone if I'm complacent in my faith and not striving to mature in Christ. God, being the wonderful Father that he is- he is a lot more concerned about my character then my comfort and my faith rather then my feeling's. He allow's certain thing's to take place in order to mature me. Yes, God does allow the enemy to bother us! Anyone who tell's you different is lying to you. If we never needed God, we would never need God! Do you get it? The blow's of life are what draw us to the Father and bring's us to our knee's. We can't give him our burden's if there are none to bare. We can't trade our ashes for beauty if there is no fire. He can't turn our mourning into dancing if there is no sorrow.
I NEED Jesus! I literally can't stand on these two feet without him! I certainly can't parent these girl's and be Jonathan's wife without him. God continually depletes me of every ounce of myself and all other resources and make's me rely entirely on him! Time and time again I try to do it on my own strength and fall flat on my face! I don't know why I even still attempt to do it without him. I'm realizing that is why I'm in this rainy season spiritually. God is trying to get me to abide, to dwell, to cast on him, to lay at his feet, to worship, to rest in his presence. I am a "do it myself" type personality and God is saying, "you're not made to do it yourself." It might seem elementary to some, but for me I am just now learning what it means to really lay my burden down at his feet and walk away and NOT go back and pick it up again. I have been guilty of returning many time's in the past. I start to think about it again and begin to worry and before I know it, I'm toting it back home.
The saying goes, "be careful what you pray for..." I prayed that God would empty me of myself. I prayed that as I draw near to him he will draw near to me. I prayed that he would become my absolute everything and my strength, the one I run to (first) and the answer in my struggle's. I prayed this his presence would become so real and tangible to me. I prayed that he would teach me how to rely on him.
So hello rainy day, I have a feeling that I will get to know you well and see a lot of you in this season. However, the GREAT thing about a gloomy day is that sunshine isn't far behind!